Sunday, July 27, 2014

yuck, feelings

This feeling of inadequacy...to be very very honest, sucks. I know it is not healthy to compare myself against other people because we are all different and may progress differently etc. but it's kind of impossible not to, especially when you are in an environment where everything is ranked/benchmarked/judged so badly it feels like you're living in a never-ending competition. In almost everything, I feel so inferior and...unworthy of even being where I am. Also I feel like a mega burden and a disappointment, with nothing particularly outstanding about myself. Basically, I feel like an average Joe. Not saying that there's anything wrong with being average, but I just feel that it's a waste to remain average. I don't actually know where I'm going with this...I'm just writing (well, typing) whatever I feel and it may or may not be the effect of too many late nights.

Okay, well, if anything is to be considered from this entire ranty, incoherent post, it's that I have sort of identified(/found out/discovered/narrowed down/realised/whatever word sounds most apt) what I want my legacy to be. It sounds very clich├ęd but I want to be a blessing to those around me, basically putting others before myself. I want people to be happier because of me. Is this a very selfish goal?
I don't know, there's a fine line. Maybe it's both selfish and selfless.....................

Goodnight

2 comments :

  1. Hi Jinwen, I'm back again! (anon who previously commented on your weightloss journey)
    Perhaps to encourage you not to grow faint or weary, consider this verse from the bible: Colossians 3:23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as unto The Lord; and not to men." Which basically tells us that in all things, seek to glorify God first. I believe you have good intentions for wanting to put others before self, but maybe our feelings of inadequacy stem from us relying on our own strength rather than seeking God first. What works for me is to set my sights on the things that are eternal than what's temporary (Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also) So I guess you can make the best out of your talents given by God to be a light of the world, a city set on a hill that cannot be hid, and the salt of the earth. :) hope this helps!

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement! I really do appreciate it :) It did give me some food for thought. Have a great day and I hope all is well for you too!

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