Saturday, January 16, 2016

SNYO Assessment #3

Today was my third time going into an assessment for SNYO and, for the third time in a row, I got nervous and wrecked my performance. :( Essentially, I get nervous and my lungs constrict, so I'm unable to breathe properly and the tone produced is not full. Also, my heart races and I lose control of tempo and everything fades from my mind except for this one thing: finish the damn piece. So yeah all the notes are there but the music is disastrous.

I really don't know how to overcome this fear. It's not completely irrational - I mean, who doesn't get nervous before an audition? But the extent to which is affects me is really too much, I feel.

I said a prayer before entering the audition, but when I went in, everything slipped out. I forgot to feel confident, to feel strong - I forgot to remember that my God was with me.

I suppose I completely understand (and expect) not to be given the chance to perform in the March concert. Really, I only have myself to blame. If I were the assessors I would probably also say No. But I'm still counting on a last shred of hope. Whatever the outcome, Jin-wen, remember that He is in control of everything. This is not the be-all-and-end-all, and it definitely does not define you as a person, or even as a player. You know your weaknesses and that's half the battle won.

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