Monday, March 21, 2016

What do you want to achieve?

It's been a loooooooong while. Most of my day-to-day updates are on @dodgynwen anyway so I guess if you want real-time honest updates on my life you can check that out. This space will be more for overdue honest past-dates...hahaha...I am not that funny :(

I had the sudden urge to blog tonight because of a dinner table kind of argument, which isn't that uncommon in our family. A bit of background: Swee Jin invited me to perform with the Philharmonic Winds for their concert on 3 April, so there are only 3 rehearsals (including concert itself) and I thought it would be all right so I went ahead and agreed!! But of course parents wee were not supportive of that and more or less said I can't perform and yada yada yada, I don't really have to go down that road. It's pretty obvious where everything is headed.

That's not really I'm blogging about, though. (lol if I felt the need to unload every time a conversation like that occurs this page would be spammed)

One question that Papa Wee kept pressing, since the start of the year, is this: What do you want to achieve? It's a perfectly reasonable question to ask yourself before making any decisions, in fact, everyone should ask themselves that. It's just that I am so sick of examining everything I do to justify it. So. Sick. Why does everything have to be rational all the time?!! Why can't I perform (in a low-commitment concert) just because I love performing? Anyway, when that question was posed to me, I found myself giving some lame answer along the lines of "networking" and "getting to know more people and more people to know me" (didn't say "so they will jio me for other projects next time" though hehe) and suddenly felt so pathetic. Has my life been reduced to this? Doing everything for a Sensible purpose and not for the enjoyment or passion. Sounds like a pretty shit life.

I guess I'm just a bit puzzled. I understand and agree with both sides, but is it possible to have the best of both worlds? Maybe if you let loose a little on one, you end up on a slippery slope to the other extreme so you can never truly end up with both. I don't know...

Which brings me to another thing I don't know: What I want to achieve. This is 3 months overdue and I still have no real answer. At first, I wanted to obtain my Grade 8 in bassoon but that is rather unlikely given the current state of things (WHY are my parents so opposed to bassoon/orchestra/band?!?!?!?!?!?????????? It is NOT a passing phase!!!! It is something I foresee myself doing for LIFE) So what do I want to achieve? I cannot think of anything really tangible. So far, I have:
- be closer to God (tangible steps I am taking to achieve this is to continue diligently with my daily Bible reading plan, which is working out great thus far)
- become a better bassoon player (again, tangible steps are practicing more, but I will never really know *when* I get there, will I?)
- get my driving license (very tangible, exception)
- hot bod (honestly I am very pessimistic about this but OK, I have been exercising very regularly but my diet is a disaster lol)
and that's about it...

I should probably learn a new skill or something. OK, let's add learning how to invest to the list. But then again, that isn't something you can "finish", exactly.

sighz so little time and I hate the pressure to make good use of it

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